#47 THE WTF ENCOUNTER WITH THE PHARMACIST, THE GHOST
#47 THE WTF ENCOUNTER WITH THE PHARMACIST, THE GHOST
Some people are difficult to pin down and a little strange, a non-damaging but odd encounter
My handsome gay bestie, Ian, was bound for success. He had one friend, Brock, he studied in the library with (real name as far as I recall) who later became a doctor. And his other friend, another “study buddy” and another nickname situation like DJ, became a pharmacist. We’ll call him JP. Ian himself became an engineer and joined the Air Force and has travelled around the world (and he likes to take his mama on an annual trip each year – how sweet). I’m sure there were other guys in the study group but the three of them spent an awful lot of time on the ground floor of the Odum library at VSU studying. On the rare occasion, I’d join Ian but I’d never met JP, didn’t even know he existed.
JP was a muscular all-American frat-type guy with a blinding white smile (and I mean blinding – veneers? Whitener? I never asked). He had dark hair with blue eyes. On a side note, Ian also had amazingly white teeth and I did ask his secret and he said baking soda and peroxide so I used that for a while but I think some consider it abrasive and I’m not even sure you can get peroxide in a bottle at the pharmacy in the UK like you can in the US and isn’t it something to do with bleaching hair? JP was into sports and had done quite a bit of travelling. I was never all that into people who were into sports but I think we talked about other things.
One random day in November 2010, I received a message from a handsome stranger. For context, this happened after Bramwell (RHSG), Theo (the tech co guy), Charles (the CFO), and First Kiss Revisited, but before the Bosnian and my old housemate’s ex, Johnny. It was before my “lost summer” as in I was lost not that it was lost.
November 2010
JP: Saw my friend Ian in a picture. Nice parties!
Elaine: Yep! The parties are fun. Have we met?
JP: No. I see you on campus about once a month. I like your style. I have another year and a half here before I go to pharmacy school somewhere. VSU is the best thing this area has, by far. How did you end up living in Nashville? I grew up in Quitman, then did 12 years of college and life elsewhere before coming back here for more school.
He was another of these men like my bestie Chester, Dr Luke, the hot Starbucks guy #2 (Noah), and my husband who are of indeterminate age and look young. All handsome but a bit mysterious. All were probably nearly a decade older or more at the time but I am not sure I asked.
Elaine: Thanks for the compliment! It's a shame I've never seen you; you're quite handsome. I graduate in May with my MA in literature. I'm working on my degree and I also teach (as part of it) English [101/102] at VSU.
Spoiler: I did not graduate in May 2011. I actually finished in July 2012, sadly. Keeping up with all of these men, teaching, partying, studying for my coursework, and whatever else proved too much for me to do at the time. Then, I moved to Columbus and was teaching even more classes but I did eventually finish with a nudge from Dr Elliott because he was moving to Canada.
Pharmacy school! Wow! I've heard pharmacists do quite well for themselves, which is something that I'll never expect with a degree in English. I'd like to say, 'but it's worth it; I love it' but that's not as true anymore. It keeps me extremely busy. And, as much as I still love the literature itself, it's taxing constantly to do graduate-level work.
Didn’t remember I said these things but the pressure was clearly getting to me.
Do you enjoy what you do? How long is pharmacy school?
I ended up in Nashville because, whilst we were living in Orlando, my mum was dating someone from Nashville. When they married, we moved to Tifton and later to Alapaha then Ray City (complicated, I suppose) and that's where I went to high school.
Before Orlando, I grew up in England. I've lived in Valdosta for about 6 years. I loved the school for my undergraduate years – the program and the support and the friends were just what I needed. I find it less of a good fit for graduate school. I still have my friends, naturally, but I have less time to see them.
What were you doing in your 12 years elsewhere? What did you study during that time?
Let's meet up for tea someday, perhaps? Or you can swing by my office in Farber. [Phone number]
Oh dear! I see this one hot guy and suddenly I have to meet him just in case he turns into a knight in shining armour. Another spoiler: he didn’t.
What does "JP" stand for, by the way?
Hope to hear from you,
Elaine
He replied:
JP: I got a BBA [Bachelor’s of Business Administration] from Emory in December 2001, then worked as a claims rep at Progressive Insurance for a few years. I moved to CO [Colorado] as a claims rep with Progressive in 2005.
If he got his Bachelor’s in 2001, then I’m guessing he was anywhere from 30 to 32 when he messaged me and I was 24 then. He was maybe born the year after my husband.
I lived there for 4 years and was laid off twice from crappy insurance claims/underwriting jobs. I wasn't happy with the money I was making because I couldn't afford to fly home and see my parents very often. I also didn't like the whole corporate type job where all the underlings are slaving away, with some of them working their way up to management. I also felt I was smarter than all my cubiclemates and felt unfulfilled, academically.
“Smarter than my cubicle-mates.” Was this a red flag? Narcissistic? Confident? Legitimately intelligent and knew his value? Who knows? The whole “seeing the parents” would come up more than once. He very much seemed to value his family, which is nice.
After I was laid off in February 2009, I decided to move home and go back to school to get into a more secure and better paying career, one that will at least allow me to live how and where I want to live. I'm focusing on getting into pharmacy school. I figure a pharmacist would have the flexibility to find a job relatively quickly in different parts of the country. I've also thought about PA/AA school or med school. Med school would be too much of a time commitment after school, I think. I don't think I would be able to maintain that energy level.
For my UK audience, a PA is a Physician Assistant or Physician Associate and an AA is an Anaesthesia Associate.
We'll catch up with each other sometime. I keep myself really busy with school.
John Paul
[His phone number]
Ha! He randomly messages me and then says he’s busy. Did I fail some sort of test in my two messages?
Elaine: Yes, I'm also really busy with teaching two classes, taking one, and working on my [Master’s] thesis. Maybe we'll find time over the break. Take care.
January 2011, two months later
Elaine: Did you happen to go to Milltown on Friday night?
JP: Nah. I was at my parents’. What was going on there?
Elaine: Oh nothing. I just thought I saw you.
I’m not sure if I did see someone who looked like him or I just suddenly remembered him and wanted an excuse to message. Milltown was a sort of shack of an establishment in the Remerton bars area of Valdosta so I’m not even sure why I was there and not Charley O’s, which was a bar I liked more. Milltown was like an old wooden house with a small porch and there was a covered porch in the back of the building where uni students hung out if they weren’t inside dancing on the sticky floor. Milltown also did promotionals for things like “dollar drink nights.” Kristy’s friend owned a company called “Dear Drunk Me” that put on a bunch of events including a “Shipwrecked” party (I think you had to dress as if you were going on a posh cruise) that sold penny drinks (i.e. really watered down alcohol but if you drank enough of them you did get smashed) and the line to get them must have been twenty people deep.
Charley O’s had a live band area and a massive porch with lots of picnic-bench-like booths all around the outside. I always ran into people I knew there. The only downside of any uni bar experience (I mean there are a lot but a big one) is the toilet situation. The toilets were always gross and Charley O’s had a trough-like massive metal sink. They were forever out of paper towels.
April 2011, three months later
Elaine: Hi. You intrigue me. Mostly because you add/message me out of the blue and then suddenly lose interest and become extremely busy.
Do you think your schedule would allow us to meet for tea next week on campus? We can meet on campus in the Student Union; you can swing by my office (it's in Farber Hall – the old health center), or we could not meet, whichever you prefer.
Trust me, I'm extremely busy, too. I have to grade papers, finish writing my thesis, and write a 30 page seminar paper before the semester's close, but everyone has time to spare an hour in a week, right?
Goodness knows why I was trying. I did have a really lovely office in Farber Hall. It was the end office at the end of the corridor and I’d use the side door plus ramp to park my Schwinn bike outside my office door in the hallway. My office had its own en suite bathroom because at one time it had been a sick bay with hospital beds but the way it was set up it looked like a normal office. I never used the shower, though, because what is the point but I do remember a hot time when Charles (the CFO) came to visit my office a few times, which I forgot to write about in my post on him – and we locked the door and turned out the lights and took advantage of the desk.
JP: I should have taken you for English Comp II. My teacher is a pain in the ass. I don't agree with Tuesday deadlines for Thursday classes, 0s for online due dates that are a minute late, and rough drafts being worth 100-300 points.
I messaged you at the end of last semester because I was in the middle of binge studying and was in need of intimacy. I had just become FB friends with late night library friend Ian and noticed you in his drunken photos. I had seen you before on campus, and was secretly hoping you spoke Spanish because I was looking for a Spanish-speaking-nude-cuddle-orgas-mate. Well, I never found one of those, and decided that it would not be cool to have tea with you when all I initially wanted to do was practice habla-ing español in the nude.
I'm sorry that I'm strange. We can have tea after the semester is over. I should be at the library a good bit studying for the PCAT.
Hah! I guess points to Gryffindor for his honesty but I guess he thought I spoke Spanish because I have dark hair?
Elaine: Hehe! The whole Spanish thing is a bit funny, but amusing nonetheless. So, English in the nude isn't as hot? I have taken Spanish class before... Don't remember a whole hell of a lot, but I remember some. [winky emoji]
Not sure you'd have liked my class better. I do accept late assignments, though, but I subtract five points from them.
Tea after the semester's end sounds good. [smile emoji]
Take care x
Where do you hang out in the library? I need to do a lot of grading this week and work on my thesis?
JP: Either the magazine area or 2nd floor by the windows, new section. I stay at my parents' place on the weekends. I stay with my cousin and her family during the week, so I pretty much stay at the library. I can't get any work done with her kids running around.
Elaine: That's understandable. I'm about to head to my office. Maybe I'll see you later?
JP: Probably not today.
Elaine: I hope you are having a good Easter. You should definitely hang out with me soon. I'm easy to get along with. I promise. And maybe I'm trying so hard because you are attractive, but whatever, you should do it!
JP: You are so shallow.
Elaine: No, not really. I value people's intelligence, too.
JP: You must be ovulating. I’m definitely up for hanging out soon. How about I come to your place one evening. I'm not sure when I'll be able to do anything this week. I can't set a day, but let's hang out at some point, even if it's not this week. We need to continue our conversation from the other afternoon.
Eek! Why didn’t I just run? “Ovulating.” SMH!
The "my life" portion of the message (optional read): I slept most of the day Saturday and Sunday...not working on English paper. I stayed at the Bailey building [The Bailey Science building on campus] until 10:45 on Friday night. The psych thing that I thought was going to last six hours on Friday only lasted 30 minutes, so I studied the rest of the day. I'm at the library right now, finishing the studying for tomorrow's Psych test, then I'm gonna start writing that English paper at prob 3:30am. It's due Tuesday afternoon I think. Just kidding. [smile emoji]
Are you at home grading stuff? What are you doing?
Elaine: Well, I'm just at home grading and stuff, but I'll probably be done around 3.30. You're welcome to come over. I can pick you up, but I do live within walking distance from campus. And, yes, I'd like to hang out. And, no, I'm not ovulating. Finallyyyyyy! You finally agreed to hang out with me. I agree it will be nice to continue our conversation. If you finished early Friday, you should've come to my party-thing that I invited you to. Good luck with your English paper. Just kidding about hanging out?
JP: Noo! Kidding about calling you shallow
Elaine: Oh ok. I'll just demonstrate that I'm not shallow anyway. You are good-looking. That is all. I'm pointing out a fact. Plus, I'm not the one who randomly messaged the other person because he or she saw said person in a photo (and not very good ones at that). And I know there's something very interesting lurking just under the surface of you and I want to learn some of it. You seem interesting.
JP: Thank you for the compliments. They are appreciated.
Elaine: Are they? You’re welcome. Do you not think you are handsome? Or, do you not know that you are?
JP: I feel that I am, but what do looks matter, anyway? I can't just make eye contact and get any woman I want. Sometimes people assume that you're an asshole if you're attractive. Females have their own tastes for different reasons, too. The most attractive girls may have an inner insecurity that makes them date someone "below" their level of looks, ensuring them relationship/marriage security. Women also look for financial security, because financial security leads to real-life security. There is nothing wrong with that because I definitely would not (unless I was 80) get serious with or marry a girl with a high school diploma who works the makeup counter at the Valdosta Mall. Financial security means an easier life that includes not having to work two jobs, traveling, and better educational opportunities for the kiddies. Gotta get back to my Eng paper. [smile emoji]
I'm sending your Gmail account an example of stuff [his English teacher in the department] gives us. I don't know if you use the "Remix" textbook, but the 2nd edition has an article about "passiveaggressivenotes.com" that reminds me of her syllabus and assignment instructions.
Elaine: Hehe! Yeah, you're right about people thinking attractive guys are arseholes – some are. And many attractive women are insecure, but some are also over-confident. Your comment on financial security was pretty accurate, too. Though, I hope to be self-sufficient. Call me a skeptic, but relationships are shaky. I don't want someone to end a relationship with me and me not being able to support myself. Relationships and finances, I have learned, shouldn't mix.
Well, had I learned that? I guess past me didn’t tell her future self this memo. I mean I didn’t ever date a financial drain like Dorian again but that was all that could be said.
JP: Screw marriage. I don't know what would make me happy. I don't want my parents to die.
Elaine: No one wants their parents to die. What brought that on? Seems unrelated. Are they ill? I'm afraid my dad will die before I ever get the chance to know him properly. He's very ill.
I wrote in December or January (when I wrote this post) – before my father died – that he was 70 now and still very much alive and that “Yes, he’s chronically ill and disabled but he didn’t die before I got to know him better as I feared. I’ve lived close to him for the past almost eight years.” When I wrote that to JP, he wasn’t ill back then – or not as ill as he’d later become but I guess because I was far away and only saw him some summers and some winters, his condition seemed more urgent than it was. This was a full fourteen years before I’d lose my father.
I don't know what will make me happy either, but I think it has something to do with sharing my time with people I like and having a really awesome sex life (a must). But, sadly, that's lacking right now. Pretty much ended a month ago.
Ending a month ago also explains why I didn’t pursue this weird thing with JP all that hard.
JP: Nah, just random thoughts. My dad has had diabetes since he was 43. He's 64 now. My mom is 55. I can't imagine her alone. Sometimes I think about it. He retired from the DFCS in Brooks County about 3 years ago. I get to see them all the time, and staying here is really against my future plans. My mom is a nurse and would be open to moving around or doing anything. She married my dad when she was 18, so she's only been able to travel a little in the last 10 years. She didn't go to school until she was 40 something. My dad is a homebody, but didn't mind going on a couple of long road trips to CO when I was there, and up to Chicago when my sister lived up there for a couple of years.
DFCS is the Georgia Division of Family and Children Services State Office. It’s like social work where they investigate child abuse and find foster and adopted homes for children.
Elaine: Yeah, I really love Chicago. I plan on moving there. Denver is another option for me since one of my uncles lives there and works in publishing.
I keep saying this to potentials in my messages but that never happened for me. Not sure why I never pursued it harder. Maybe because I ended up meeting my first husband and moving to Germany instead so I had a life of adventure nonetheless but not the moves I planned. Lives in our early twenties seem full of dreams and hope and I’m happy with the direction my life has taken so it’s, perhaps, good that we don’t get all the things we dream of when young – we don’t know ourselves enough to know what will truly matter in time.
JP: Today was a tired day. I'm going to sleep and finish the paper tomorrow. It's due at midnight. I'm childish for hating your coworker so much. On the second day of class, we were supposed to have read a couple of articles about identity, and she wore this short little flowy skirt with a pair of those shiny rubber galoshes. I laughed in front of class and told her I knew what her plan was, that she was trying to dress up as a college kid. She didn't laugh. I felt bad. I thought it would have been really cool for that to have been an act. I'm really not an asshole. It's kind of funny, though. It's not a story I've told anyone, but since we have been on that subject today.
This English department faculty member wasn’t so much a “coworker” because not all full-time faculty and staff considered the “grad assistants” who taught “colleagues.”
Elaine: Yeah, that was kinda an asshole comment. I wear rubber "wellies" in class, too. But I always look pretty much like you saw me that day. I try to dress in "business" attire since I'm young and want my students to take me seriously. I'm glad you are letting me in on your story. I shouldn't make a judgement. I honestly – if you get to know me – dislike very few people. I try and give people the benefit of the doubt. But [his teacher] is always a mega-bitch to me. I think she's kinda two-faced and backstabbing. Dislike her all you like…
I loved her when I was an undergrad student but we had a mutual friend who she was in love with and she never liked me once she knew we hung out a few times. And literally hung out – no sex or making out or anything. Obviously, now I’m all about “lifting other women up” and all that but clearly not back then (and neither was she).
JP: What is your living situation, roommate-wise, etc? I had sex with a nice lady for a few months last year. Nothing recently. Let's hold, kiss, touch each other soon. I have nothing on Thursday night. When is good for you?
This “nice lady” he referred to I learned from him later was this gorgeous Middle Eastern woman who was mutual friends with people I knew (it is awful I can’t remember exactly where she is from). She had an Arabic name. I’ll call her Zarine.
Zarine was petite but with a gorgeous, curvy yet balanced figure that I always envied. She was the living embodiment of Princess Jasmine (from Aladdin) with big beautiful dark eyes and long, thick dark hair. I was always insecure about being called “curvy” because I had a big frame and linebacker shoulders (at least in my perception) but I felt Zarine’s petite, slim curviness with small shoulders, a big bust, nice hips, and a pert bottom was the lovely kind of “curvy.” In fact, her bottom would have fit with today’s beauty standards (and does because she’s still as gorgeous now).
I’d have been her friend but I’m not sure she ever wanted that. We were reduced to smiling and saying hi and making small talk pleasantries at the bars and parties when we saw each other – and being Facebook friends back when FB was still cool and before Instagram became a well-known thing.
I knew nothing about Zarine’s dating and sex life and she, understandably, kept it all very private. I think her family was Muslim but not the kind that wore headdresses. I was surprised she even had a FWB situation back then to be fair.
She is now a dentist in Chicago and has done very well for herself. I don’t think she has children or is married but she may be – she keeps her life private.
I was always a little jealous of her because she was slim and absolutely gorgeous and really sweet – and obviously very brainy and intelligent.
Fun fact is that her father is a doctor and currently lives in the town where my mama and stepfather live. Small world.
At Creekside one night, I spotted her and she asked if I was sleeping with JP. She didn’t say it confrontationally or meanly. Just like she was curious. I think she may have said they dated or saw each other at some point casually.
I said I hadn’t, which was the truth. I don’t think she believed me, though. I never knew what it was that JP and I did but it was an odd arrangement and he was an odd guy – even if he was hot.
I think it was more like the odd naked cuddles, making out, sometimes touching but not sure if orgasms were involved or I don’t recall if they were. He slept in my bed a few nights on and off over the months but it was never more than that.
Once, in his very matter-of-fact way, he told me something like my tits in his memory had been more pert than when he saw them again. Gee, thanks! That comment made me feel great of course, but it didn’t send me into a misery spiral or anything as that sort of comment might usually with other men. I probably reacted more just like knitted eyebrows and a smirk. You can’t have big, natural boobs and have them up to your chin forever; they settle, sadly. Gravity takes its toll. But my boobs were fine at the time so fuck that.
Back to when he asked, “What is your living situation, roommate-wise, etc?”
Elaine: I have three roommates. One is never home. Two are always home. I was sleeping with someone for the past four months, but that ended. Before that, it was the guy I dated for over six months. Thursday night is not great for me. I'll be out of commission until the weekend or next week.
Then, there was random talk in between about his English paper. I’ve already reproduced enough of the convo that I may be boring too many so I won’t keep going with non-relevant bits.
May 2010, the next month
JP: I remember what i was talking about, now. Yeah, we shouldn't have sex because I don't want a relationship. Last night was nice, though. It's fun talking about things and cuddling with you.
Elaine: You really pissed my roommate off by calling her Ms. [surname]. She's touchy about stuff like that. She was all like, "Is this going to be a regular thing because I don't know why no one you bring home is capable of normal interaction and having a normal conversation." Yeah, I enjoyed hanging out and talking with you, too. What do you mean you remember what you were talking about? Was I that bad? Yeah, I agree on the sex thing. Too complicated.
JP: This afternoon you referred to something I said last night and I said that I couldn't remember. I think that was what you were talking about. I can't remember exactly.
Then we had more random messages about an Irish guy we both knew who famously lived in town and threw cool parties and a convo about how my housemate would prob prefer it if he just didn’t speak to her at all. She pretty much hated everyone I dated, mostly with good reason. She generally liked Charles and Theo though as people.
June 2011, the next month
The next month I sent a message about him coming to a coffee shop that I discovered thanks to my friend Landon called Stage 51.
JP: Hey, I'm going to quit trying to have sex with you and kissing, etc. it would hurt any friendship. You're more valuable to me as a friend.
I have no recollection of him ever trying to have sex with me so I guess it was his own internal struggle that he never acted on or asked me about.
In one June message, he said he wanted to make a video of me performing this song.
I have no clue what the significance was or if the song reminded him of me or what.
October 2011, four months later
Four months later, I sent a message to say I was coming over for the Irish guy’s legendary party – and he said he’d be there too. I have no idea if either of us went now.
For Halloween 2011, I had moved to Columbus (thanks to Brittany getting me a job there) but I spent Halloween in Valdosta with friends. I brought my beautiful Chinese friend Anna and we stayed at Chester’s and I re-lived VSU Halloweens and ran into an old cast, including JP.
Then, randomly in February 2012, he messaged me and asked about the new guy I was dating, Captain Thor.
That was pretty much all there was to our short-lived whatever it was.
JP did actually become a pharmacist but I don’t know what else became of him. From what I can see, he never did seem to date anyone long-term, marry, have children, or do anything like that. From time to time, I used to see him in photos with his family. He really did seem to have a love for his parents and sister, which is very sweet. He’s still handsome. He seemed to grow out his hair a little which is now streaked with a little grey. He seems to have travelled to a bunch of places, including in Africa where his sister lives with her African husband.
Whatever weirdness he is up to in the world, I hope he is happy. He is probably my most confusing encounter but not for being particularly upsetting or damaging but just a sort of odd remembrance.
Next up, the first boy I met on the train.
Don’t forget to check out the other forty-six posts I’ve written, including the one on why I’m writing this newsletter/blog in the first place – and the odd “present day snippet” of what I’m up to lately.
Have you ever had an encounter that left you scratching your head? In hindsight, I think JP may have been “on the spectrum” (which I believe is also the case for my dear husband) but I guess I’ll never know and it doesn’t really matter.