#22 MY BEST DATE EVER WITH THE FINANCE CFO (BEFORE HE BECAME THE HOT-SHOT CFO)
#22 MY BEST DATE EVER WITH THE FINANCE CFO (BEFORE HE BECAME THE HOT-SHOT CFO)
Another guy in the “amazing California men I know and adore” category (party of two)
Charles was a business major, president of the Business School’s investment group, and nearly a decade older than me, not that you could tell that as he looked very young (and I only recently learned his age). Bramwell had been tall – maybe over 6’1” – but Charles was much, much taller (maybe even above 6’4” – and I was always a sucker for tall men). He was friendly, kind, charismatic, and handsome. He had a big smile, blue eyes, and a distinctive laugh. We met on New Year’s Eve when Bramwell had introduced us and I may or may not have proceeded to give him the odd flirty side glance all night. I couldn’t help myself! I had a very flirty nature, after all.
He added me on Facebook and messaged me to ask me out on a date.
He was the first university guy who had asked me on an official date. I was flattered. We went out around February of 2011 as things with Bramwell were still going on but had maybe started to become more sporadic.
Brittany combined their names together in a Brangelina/Bennifer mash-up of sorts when referring to them. Their real names combined have a much better ring but we’ll just say “Cramwell” which sounds sort of like that Elizabeth Gaskell novel I wrote about for my Master’s thesis, Cranford (and as I described in this post about Bramwell here).
Our date started at Chilli’s where I did my usual and proceeded to match him on how much I could eat. We had some margaritas. Then, we went to Creekside Tavern to meet his friends for more drinks. We had a fantastic time. He was simply just one of those really fun people to be around. Conversation flowed. We laughed a lot. Flirted a lot. Held hands. Smiled.
As a former Marine Corps instructor – where he’d early retired from the military after at least a decade – and being the super responsible adult-acting man that he was, we took a taxi to his friend’s house. I remember the feeling of sitting on his lap in the taxi ride (okay so he was a little irresponsible) as we played “clown car” seeing how many of us could fit in the taxi. Why do Americans drink and drive? Well, maybe let’s talk about how expensive taxis are in rural parts of America, which is totally inexcusable but true.
That was until Valdosta got the Tipsy Transit which was sort of like the Knight Bus in Harry Potter but for drunk college students. The fleet was made from old school buses, redecorated, with the addition of stripper poles inside, whether of structural integrity or to carry the party on, I’ll never know. I’ve always been too uncoordinated for “sexy dancing” and stripper poles anyway. There goes the whole “I’m paying for college by being a stripper” career (and that would have been if I had been confident enough with my body to do such a thing). The cool, kind owner, Felix, even took me home for free once or twice when I’d run out of money after a night of drinking so I didn’t walk home alone in the dark. I imagine he was the white knight of many a drunk college girl.
Charles didn’t let me pay for a single thing on our date which was a first for me. I was a broke grad student but it was just as well – and much appreciated.
As a side note: HSS did pay for pretty much everything when we went out (or probably his architect father) but then when I started working he’d sort of bully me into paying for stuff and buying him items he wanted like this brand new thing called an iPhone because “I owed him” when I never had an iPhone myself until I met my first husband.
Back at his Air Force friend’s massive house in the countryside but near Moody Air Force Base and in a cookie-cutter subdivision, we all played beer pong (I never drank the beer). Unlike me at the time, who was known for taking her Sony point-and-shoot everywhere, I didn’t take any photos of the night. I simply enjoyed it. It is still one of my best date memories ever.
Charles was just good fun. Responsible, stable, lovely, kind, gentlemanly, but also fun. Of course, I seemed to have a magnetic-repellant quality to people who would have actually been good for me.
But the situation was complicated. He knew I was seeing Bramwell but Bramwell didn’t know I was seeing Charles. But I also knew that Charles had an on-again-off-again girlfriend whom he loved but he lived in Georgia and she lived in a house in Florida.
Even back in our university years, he was ridiculously clever and financially savvy. He bought the Georgia and Florida houses and he rented rooms to his housemates in the house he was living in. He’d buy new cars and ask for the best deal. He’d give me advice on financial spreadsheets and pensions and all sorts – all of which I was definitely not thinking about at the time. Nor did I have the money.
I was teaching classes at the time and he created this amazing spreadsheet that figuratively saved me. Basically, I had a weighted grading system where some things were worth 20%, other things 10% and so on. Well, in this amazing spreadsheet, I could enter all of my students’ grades in the various columns and rows and it would keep a running calculator of their final grade. If they asked me, what do I need to make on this paper to get a B in the class, thanks to Charles, I could tell them. I was fairly mathematically inept so that was a tool that I duplicated over and over for every class I taught. Thanks so much, you lovely man.
He also sent me a budget worksheet which I still use today and a pension worksheet which I have never used (sorry). But joke’s on me because Charles has investment properties all over the country and is set to retire very, very comfortably at fifty.
After our date, he came back to my place and I was wearing this tight blue spaghetti strap dress with a puffed-out circle skirt that was uber short (and a yellow granny cardigan because I had to cover up my “fat” arms) and I remember making out so passionately and in an effort to remove my dress as quickly as possible, he accidentally tore the strap of my dress just a little. (I never did get it repaired and I’m sure it’s still in my closet somewhere.)
We had sex several times over the intervening weeks (or months). (He was person number eleven after Theo and Bramwell.) Sometimes it was just mutual touching. He didn’t take any chances with pregnancy I remember because when he’d come he’d do this interesting thing where he’d pull out and press the tube at the base of his balls so that zero semen could come out. Neat trick! Probably clever too as he has no children and has no plans to have them.
From time to time, we would go to lunch at our all-time favourite place, Submarina, for California ATC subs (avocado, turkey, cheese, and bacon with veggies and cress/sprouts for Americans – not to be confused with Brussels sprouts which are totally different – and I learned today have an S on the end and a capital B) that were delicious and “healthy” bags of chips (crisps for the Brits) like Sunchips (wavy and delicious) and Diet Dr. Pepper. He was the only person I knew who drank diet soda as I used to chug full sugar Red Bull and at least a massive, large McDonald’s Coke a day (back when they did “any size” drink for a dollar – like that bygone era when they did five dollar subs at Subway).
He even met my Uncle Steve and my mother (who always thought he was so lovely and handsome – but she never gave me advice on who or whom not to date, although some could've come in handy sometimes). He came to meet me at Jax Beach with my friends once or twice.
Sometimes at 6 am, he’d rescue me from my master’s thesis work and take me to the Waffle House with a side of orgasm.
He never took me back to his house. I guess so I’d never meet his housemates who knew he was probably with someone else but I never asked questions about their relationship status. Once, I knew his father was visiting from California and I remember being super jealous when pictures emerged of him, his father, and his girlfriend (who later became his wife).
He had his moments too, like when Bramwell took me on our Valentine’s date and I posted pictures and he texted me to say he was jealous when he saw the pics – and how the song by CeeLo Green on the Radio reminded him of me. Let’s get real: he can actually afford a Ferrari (but he’s always been too sensible for flashy spending).
In our whole complicated situationships, we were mutually shady and secretive. It was easy to be that way as we didn’t talk about the other people we were seeing. We just had an unspoken agreement that we were never entirely devoted to each other but cared about each other as people, as friends, as occasional bedfellows. I seriously adored him.
Years later, before I met my first husband, Charles came to visit me when I was living in Columbus, Georgia with Brittany. I think he’d moved to California then but was checking on his houses over on the East Coast. I’d been working out with a personal trainer for months and felt more confident. I remember having amazing sex after he’d taken me to dinner and him spending the night. We went out that night to the bars in Columbus with my friend Anna and her friends.
I have innumerable fond memories of time with Charles. He never gave me false hope. He was always kind. We enjoyed each other’s company. We didn’t get invested outside of our friendship. He never made me feel heartbroken.
He eventually married the girl he’d seen on and off. She had a daughter whom he’d raised from the age of three and he adored her. But then, very suddenly, his wife ended their marriage out of the blue because she’d been attending a church that didn’t agree with being married to someone who had been married already (it was his second marriage), which made approximately zero sense because they’d had a happy marriage and they were already married – and surely the church would have frowned on divorce more than being married to a divorcee? But anyway, she left him and he was absolutely devastated. He let her live in their California house with the agreement that he’d pay for it and all the bills until the daughter he considered as his own was of age. She stopped him from seeing the daughter. It was at the same time I was getting a divorce and I remember many sleepless nights chatting with Charles on FB messenger about how we didn’t understand what was happening to us.
In his career, he moved from strength to strength, always in CFO or finance director positions, earning way more than I ever would and being incredibly smart with his investments. He’s truly amazing and I’m super proud of him. I remember sending him Marco Polo messages (when that was a thing) and recording these video messages on my drive to work (and he’d do the same) where I lamented the fact that I was earning in a year what my ex earned in a month. I’d truly come down in the world. But he was there to be a friend at my low point and see me through my high points.
We equally celebrated when we each met our current partners who were just what we needed to heal our broken, tattered hearts. He’s now happily married to a beautiful woman he knew in high school who he met at their high school reunion. Michael and I are the recipients of their annual Christmas card which comes with a fun yearly recap. She had two children from her previous marriage and now he has access to his ex-wife’s daughter again, so things have turned out well. And he’s been happy for me as I shared all the joys I’ve had with Michael and my career ups and downs.
Next up, the post you’ve all been waiting for (maybe): how I met the Stella Adler Academy Actor, Dorian.
Don’t forget to check out the other twenty-one posts I’ve written, including the one on why I’m writing this newsletter/blog in the first place.
Did you ever get yourself tangled in an “it’s complicated” kinda thing?
