Oh wow an hour? Gotta bookmark this just in case I can't read through the whole thing. How am I supposed to comment? Let me bookmark first AND THEN open comments in a new tab so I can do the thing. Aight.
"(Hopefully, these aren’t military secrets.)" LOL watch me restack this XD. I've never understood military ranking, I was ready a book where there was a character in the Navy and then the Navy were also on land? So why are they called Navy? And why are the Marines on land too? the disrecpect for the Latin legacy!! (yep, that was a long sentence you wrote there)
That sense of perfectionism, never doing enough and never being content, was probably rooted in cultural background, life choices, and personal issues that he clearly didn't work on, at the time....
The finance talk is hard!! !! I'd love to talk finance but was always shut down too. I'll eventually write about that, but it didn't happen for many many years since I moved down here :S why is it such a taboo topic? does it make men feel vulnerable or something? go figure.
I think the whole body shaming your weight gain (errr WHERE?!?) was just another way to make you insecure and make you lose focus of what's important. He was controlling your money, telling/showing you that you were not sexually attractive, putting you down in front of people (didn't notice the laptop in the basement/ cheeky spending / cornbread / ...) if the next part is about you not being able to travel to see your family/friends this is officially Cult Leader 1.01!!
SEE? you said it yourself "Everything was done so subtly. The breaking down of my personhood, my self-worth." :( it breaks my heart to read your inner monologue about being heavier or whatnot.
"Maybe Benoit complained to Andrew about what a terrible, lazy, selfish wife I was or whatever Benoit’s narrative was." or MAAAYBE (tinfoil hat mode) Benoit needed a beard and Andrew was the jealous secret partner ~
Eek 😬 Haha I can’t speak to the Marines or Navy but I think Navy people sometimes go on boats. And Marines do hard core water training but shrug. I could help explain ranks but it is also confusing. 🫤
Oh, Elaine, my heart aches for your former self. I have been through a divorce so I understand some of the weird dynamics… but I wish I could hug and reassure the younger you that was terribly unappreciated and made to feel unattractive. So much useless emphasis on body shapes that is energy better spent on creating loving, delicious memories. I really feel there was something else going on (with him) and I’m glad you didn’t stay in that stressful life. For what it’s worth some of our (myself and my ex) sweetest, most passionate lovemaking was during the times we were expecting when she was so plump and curvy everywhere (hormones? joy at our blessings? no fear of pregnancy?). She is a bigger woman anyway, Norwegian and German, but she was always beautiful in my eyes whether she was bigger or smaller and she and I seldom slept any night together without making love… that is until our final years (we were together 12, married for 11 of them). There’s so much going on in any relationship it’s imperative that we communicate… and if it’s a romantic relationship, I think it’s imperative that we continue to connect, sexually, often, to keep the connection strong (if that’s an important desire within the romance, as it often is). It’s hard to be upset or petty with someone after you’ve just covered one another over with pleasure and love. 🩷🫂🩷
I absolutely adore this philosophy and my second husband is very much like this. He loves me for me and it is truly a blessing and has worked to undo the damage of my first marriage. I’m sorry that your marriage lasted but it sounds like you had some lovely years. 🫶🏻
I think everyone has rose-tinted glasses in the beginning—well, almost everyone; there are always exceptions. Those are the people who truly know themselves and what they want (not what they think they want). Those of us who figure out our authentic selves are the lucky ones, even if that means divorce, break-ups, etc. Some poor souls keep looking for happiness in other people instead of themselves.
How very wise of you. 🫶🏻 I think I learned valuable lessons the hard way, unfortunately, but at least I got there. I wish I’d been one of those strong people who knows what she wants and goes for it but I guess we can’t all be that. 🤷🏻♀️🙈 Thanks for reading. 🤩
Oh wow an hour? Gotta bookmark this just in case I can't read through the whole thing. How am I supposed to comment? Let me bookmark first AND THEN open comments in a new tab so I can do the thing. Aight.
"(Hopefully, these aren’t military secrets.)" LOL watch me restack this XD. I've never understood military ranking, I was ready a book where there was a character in the Navy and then the Navy were also on land? So why are they called Navy? And why are the Marines on land too? the disrecpect for the Latin legacy!! (yep, that was a long sentence you wrote there)
That sense of perfectionism, never doing enough and never being content, was probably rooted in cultural background, life choices, and personal issues that he clearly didn't work on, at the time....
The finance talk is hard!! !! I'd love to talk finance but was always shut down too. I'll eventually write about that, but it didn't happen for many many years since I moved down here :S why is it such a taboo topic? does it make men feel vulnerable or something? go figure.
I think the whole body shaming your weight gain (errr WHERE?!?) was just another way to make you insecure and make you lose focus of what's important. He was controlling your money, telling/showing you that you were not sexually attractive, putting you down in front of people (didn't notice the laptop in the basement/ cheeky spending / cornbread / ...) if the next part is about you not being able to travel to see your family/friends this is officially Cult Leader 1.01!!
SEE? you said it yourself "Everything was done so subtly. The breaking down of my personhood, my self-worth." :( it breaks my heart to read your inner monologue about being heavier or whatnot.
"Maybe Benoit complained to Andrew about what a terrible, lazy, selfish wife I was or whatever Benoit’s narrative was." or MAAAYBE (tinfoil hat mode) Benoit needed a beard and Andrew was the jealous secret partner ~
"cold meats and cheeses, honeys, jams" that's it: paradise! meat / cheese / honey is my holy triad of favourite foods.
🤣🤣🤣
It is definitely so so important so hopefully you both figured it out. 🙈😅
Yes, I think projected personal issues but clearly my 20s personality wasn’t strong enough to handle that. 😳
Eek 😬 Haha I can’t speak to the Marines or Navy but I think Navy people sometimes go on boats. And Marines do hard core water training but shrug. I could help explain ranks but it is also confusing. 🫤
Oh, Elaine, my heart aches for your former self. I have been through a divorce so I understand some of the weird dynamics… but I wish I could hug and reassure the younger you that was terribly unappreciated and made to feel unattractive. So much useless emphasis on body shapes that is energy better spent on creating loving, delicious memories. I really feel there was something else going on (with him) and I’m glad you didn’t stay in that stressful life. For what it’s worth some of our (myself and my ex) sweetest, most passionate lovemaking was during the times we were expecting when she was so plump and curvy everywhere (hormones? joy at our blessings? no fear of pregnancy?). She is a bigger woman anyway, Norwegian and German, but she was always beautiful in my eyes whether she was bigger or smaller and she and I seldom slept any night together without making love… that is until our final years (we were together 12, married for 11 of them). There’s so much going on in any relationship it’s imperative that we communicate… and if it’s a romantic relationship, I think it’s imperative that we continue to connect, sexually, often, to keep the connection strong (if that’s an important desire within the romance, as it often is). It’s hard to be upset or petty with someone after you’ve just covered one another over with pleasure and love. 🩷🫂🩷
I absolutely adore this philosophy and my second husband is very much like this. He loves me for me and it is truly a blessing and has worked to undo the damage of my first marriage. I’m sorry that your marriage lasted but it sounds like you had some lovely years. 🫶🏻
**didn’t last — and sending love and healing your way 🫶🏻
Thanks for reading! 🤩❤️
I think everyone has rose-tinted glasses in the beginning—well, almost everyone; there are always exceptions. Those are the people who truly know themselves and what they want (not what they think they want). Those of us who figure out our authentic selves are the lucky ones, even if that means divorce, break-ups, etc. Some poor souls keep looking for happiness in other people instead of themselves.
How very wise of you. 🫶🏻 I think I learned valuable lessons the hard way, unfortunately, but at least I got there. I wish I’d been one of those strong people who knows what she wants and goes for it but I guess we can’t all be that. 🤷🏻♀️🙈 Thanks for reading. 🤩
So happy that this post was longer than others. Binge-read it. As always, thank you for sharing your life so openly with us. 🤗
Thank you, Maya. 🫶🏻🤩