You looked very happy in all social settings with the wives, I'm glad you have a support system, so to speak. Although that word, dependopa... That's a big red flag. I think what you wrote was really interesting here "Aren’t you going to praise me?” sort of thing and he’d be like, “You aren’t supposed to expect praise for doing normal tasks.” But they weren’t “normal” to me, they were the most difficult and cumbersome task and I hated the drudgery of it." I feel like you had been autonomous your whole life, and now expectations were put on you. Still not sure if you were truly happy or if you were starting to see the cracks and finding joy on other things (kindergarten, exploring, dressups, friendships)...
He didn't call the wives that to be clear but I did hear these sorts of phrases! I was happy having an adventure. Of course, there were nice bits too and I realise I've probably written about the undertones and the bad bits I realise years later. So in the next post, I will write some good bits. 🤣
The amount of time it takes to draw boxes over faces. 🙈😬🤣🤣🤣 Thank you, though. I figured it was easier than emailing 20+ people for consent! 🤪 I am just that age where these tasks take me time and I'm sure my niece could do in a jiffy!
Elaine, I’m exhausted just reading what you were able to do—can’t imagine keeping up that pace. I don’t remember ever having that much energy.
I relate with so much, though. When I was married she always had a job but I had mine and a part time or two for the extra income, and I did much of the housework. We also had our 4 kids.. Marriage for me was rewarding but often exhausting. I’m so glad you have found a better fit.
Lastly, praise and appreciation do go so far to help us all! I hope I’ve gotten better at noting things others do that benefit me/us and speaking up to let them know. And so in that vein… thank you for helping to make my quiet life more interesting and fun 🎉 I appreciate you sharing so much of yourself with us and taking the time to write, and read, and post, and... 😊
Thanks for reading! I'm so glad you recognise all your wife does and vice versa. It is difficult to change the narrative of an equal marriage but so important. My Grammy had four children and I had no idea how she managed. 🤣 And she did all the domestic load but didn't work until later (but household management is work!). I can't keep anything near that pace now. I love having a very peaceful life. 🤪
Also sound like you had a crazy pace yourself with extra jobs. 🙈 Eek! I never want to take on multiple jobs by multiple employers again. 🤔 But I get that needs must sometimes.
I’ve been divorced for 20 plus years.. and though I’ve often had a partner I’ve not often seriously thought again of being married… I won’t count it out, but the chances are unlikely.. I do wish you and your husband all the best!
As long as you're happy. 🫶🏻 I think it is so difficult to understand how to be a good partner and to factor in individual traumas and triggers — it took me a long while to learn but is part of the reason my second marriage is a good one. We aren't taught these things in school nor are we taught basic economics or investments or finances or business sense! Some of us learn those things later and others never do (i.e. I definitely don't have a “business head” but wish I did 😅).
You looked very happy in all social settings with the wives, I'm glad you have a support system, so to speak. Although that word, dependopa... That's a big red flag. I think what you wrote was really interesting here "Aren’t you going to praise me?” sort of thing and he’d be like, “You aren’t supposed to expect praise for doing normal tasks.” But they weren’t “normal” to me, they were the most difficult and cumbersome task and I hated the drudgery of it." I feel like you had been autonomous your whole life, and now expectations were put on you. Still not sure if you were truly happy or if you were starting to see the cracks and finding joy on other things (kindergarten, exploring, dressups, friendships)...
He didn't call the wives that to be clear but I did hear these sorts of phrases! I was happy having an adventure. Of course, there were nice bits too and I realise I've probably written about the undertones and the bad bits I realise years later. So in the next post, I will write some good bits. 🤣
But yes, in hindsight, I was in love but I was finding joy in the other bits! I didn't realise it though then.
Oh yes of course, I gathered he wasn't using the word himself. It was really nice seeing all the pics:)
The amount of time it takes to draw boxes over faces. 🙈😬🤣🤣🤣 Thank you, though. I figured it was easier than emailing 20+ people for consent! 🤪 I am just that age where these tasks take me time and I'm sure my niece could do in a jiffy!
Elaine, I’m exhausted just reading what you were able to do—can’t imagine keeping up that pace. I don’t remember ever having that much energy.
I relate with so much, though. When I was married she always had a job but I had mine and a part time or two for the extra income, and I did much of the housework. We also had our 4 kids.. Marriage for me was rewarding but often exhausting. I’m so glad you have found a better fit.
Lastly, praise and appreciation do go so far to help us all! I hope I’ve gotten better at noting things others do that benefit me/us and speaking up to let them know. And so in that vein… thank you for helping to make my quiet life more interesting and fun 🎉 I appreciate you sharing so much of yourself with us and taking the time to write, and read, and post, and... 😊
Thanks for reading! I'm so glad you recognise all your wife does and vice versa. It is difficult to change the narrative of an equal marriage but so important. My Grammy had four children and I had no idea how she managed. 🤣 And she did all the domestic load but didn't work until later (but household management is work!). I can't keep anything near that pace now. I love having a very peaceful life. 🤪
Also sound like you had a crazy pace yourself with extra jobs. 🙈 Eek! I never want to take on multiple jobs by multiple employers again. 🤔 But I get that needs must sometimes.
I’ve been divorced for 20 plus years.. and though I’ve often had a partner I’ve not often seriously thought again of being married… I won’t count it out, but the chances are unlikely.. I do wish you and your husband all the best!
As long as you're happy. 🫶🏻 I think it is so difficult to understand how to be a good partner and to factor in individual traumas and triggers — it took me a long while to learn but is part of the reason my second marriage is a good one. We aren't taught these things in school nor are we taught basic economics or investments or finances or business sense! Some of us learn those things later and others never do (i.e. I definitely don't have a “business head” but wish I did 😅).
Not sure if that was cut off but meant to say I don't have a “business head.” 🙈🤷🏻♀️🤣