"I never stopped to think about what I needed in relationships, what fulfilled me, what I wanted." this hits really hard. I wonder how many of us feel the same, looking back. And, I don't know if this is of any help, but I doubt those 'bff sleepover' kind of friendships would unlock any higher understanding of relationships, self-value, or intimacy.
Maybe I imagined girlfriends would be like “this person is not good for you.” 😂 But I probably had close friends in uni who said things like that and I most likely didn’t listen. Not sure why I thought those things were related. 😅 But yeah, some people seem to get the “dating the right people” early on concept and I seemed to have a lot of lessons to learn. 🤔
I agree though that true friends should offer some insight and perspective and help us grow without necessarily making the mistakes… but again “they’re mistakes only if you don’t learn from them” :P
Loved this read, it covered a lot of ground (and I had no idea you were originally from the UK! I thought you were American, though maybe I misread that!)
I’ve always had many friendship groups but never The Group (Friends style) & honestly the idea of it gives me the ick. Most of my friends have laughingly told me years into our friendship ‘do you remember when you sat me down and told me you aren’t a one group or one close friends group kind of person?’ I never remember having this chat and thank god because, how cringe. There’s something of the commitment phobia in it. I love my friends so deeply (and I am one of the few people I know who regularly introduces groups to one another) but I like to feel like a bit of a floater.
I also read with interest your perspective on Benoit. I had a relationship before my partner which felt like The One but when I look back we didn’t share any values or even have much in common that would sustain a relationship. But it felt like on paper he ticked boxes & I was so desperate for a connection with someone I took it even though it was based on that - just paper, and nothing of any real substance.
I’ve always had loads of friend groups but mixing sometimes led to good and bad results. 😂😅 Ha! Oh the things we do in our 20s. Love the talk. Hilarious.
I am American and English or somewhere in between. 😜 But I live in West Yorkshire.
You and I are so alike in some of our experiences! Is there a collective elder millennial thing? 🤔😂 I only looked for people who fit my list or were attractive or had status even though I didn’t know I was looking for these things. I don’t think I knew how to find a good fit. I just wanted someone, anyone I valued to love me back which is pathetic and sad but it’s what it is.
However, I’m so thankful I feel so lucky I really got the right match and I still can’t believe it. It’s so amazing to be compatible and happy!
One advantage to growing older is no longer needing to fit in. I've grown comfortable in my own skin, which I think most people eventually do. My comfort finally came at the expense of decades of not knowing who I was and a lack of self-esteem.
My romantic pursuits were short-lived because of this. I was essentially 'searching for love in all the wrong places' and equated love with sex (big mistake.) I'm a different (and older) gal now and my priorities in life have changed. I just wish it hadn't taken so long to learn the hard lessons!
I'm glad that you've come to these realisations. I love that so much for you. I definitely relate to 'searching for love in all the wrong places.' And I hope that I will learn the lesson of being comfortable in my own skin. That's such a lovely thing. I am in a safe, secure space in life and that is such a great feeling but I definitely still have more growing to do. Thanks for reading! I look forward to your next post.
"I never stopped to think about what I needed in relationships, what fulfilled me, what I wanted." this hits really hard. I wonder how many of us feel the same, looking back. And, I don't know if this is of any help, but I doubt those 'bff sleepover' kind of friendships would unlock any higher understanding of relationships, self-value, or intimacy.
Maybe I imagined girlfriends would be like “this person is not good for you.” 😂 But I probably had close friends in uni who said things like that and I most likely didn’t listen. Not sure why I thought those things were related. 😅 But yeah, some people seem to get the “dating the right people” early on concept and I seemed to have a lot of lessons to learn. 🤔
I agree though that true friends should offer some insight and perspective and help us grow without necessarily making the mistakes… but again “they’re mistakes only if you don’t learn from them” :P
The self-value concept is a big one! Thanks for reading. 😘🫶🏻
Loved this read, it covered a lot of ground (and I had no idea you were originally from the UK! I thought you were American, though maybe I misread that!)
I’ve always had many friendship groups but never The Group (Friends style) & honestly the idea of it gives me the ick. Most of my friends have laughingly told me years into our friendship ‘do you remember when you sat me down and told me you aren’t a one group or one close friends group kind of person?’ I never remember having this chat and thank god because, how cringe. There’s something of the commitment phobia in it. I love my friends so deeply (and I am one of the few people I know who regularly introduces groups to one another) but I like to feel like a bit of a floater.
I also read with interest your perspective on Benoit. I had a relationship before my partner which felt like The One but when I look back we didn’t share any values or even have much in common that would sustain a relationship. But it felt like on paper he ticked boxes & I was so desperate for a connection with someone I took it even though it was based on that - just paper, and nothing of any real substance.
Look forward to reading more!
I’ve always had loads of friend groups but mixing sometimes led to good and bad results. 😂😅 Ha! Oh the things we do in our 20s. Love the talk. Hilarious.
I am American and English or somewhere in between. 😜 But I live in West Yorkshire.
You and I are so alike in some of our experiences! Is there a collective elder millennial thing? 🤔😂 I only looked for people who fit my list or were attractive or had status even though I didn’t know I was looking for these things. I don’t think I knew how to find a good fit. I just wanted someone, anyone I valued to love me back which is pathetic and sad but it’s what it is.
However, I’m so thankful I feel so lucky I really got the right match and I still can’t believe it. It’s so amazing to be compatible and happy!
Thanks for reading. 🫶🏻
One advantage to growing older is no longer needing to fit in. I've grown comfortable in my own skin, which I think most people eventually do. My comfort finally came at the expense of decades of not knowing who I was and a lack of self-esteem.
My romantic pursuits were short-lived because of this. I was essentially 'searching for love in all the wrong places' and equated love with sex (big mistake.) I'm a different (and older) gal now and my priorities in life have changed. I just wish it hadn't taken so long to learn the hard lessons!
I'm glad that you've come to these realisations. I love that so much for you. I definitely relate to 'searching for love in all the wrong places.' And I hope that I will learn the lesson of being comfortable in my own skin. That's such a lovely thing. I am in a safe, secure space in life and that is such a great feeling but I definitely still have more growing to do. Thanks for reading! I look forward to your next post.