PRESENT DAY SNIPPET: NOVEMBER 2023
PRESENT DAY SNIPPET: NOVEMBER 2023
An interruption of the regularly scheduled content: what's happened lately?
I’m spending a lot of time reflecting on the past, scouring through old emails, messages, and photos – and even chatting with some of the people from my past (when they have gotten in touch), which is giving me invaluable insight into their side of things. Who knows? Maybe I’ll ask some of them to do guest posts if they want?
Visiting Florida
But what’s going on in my life now? Well, I’m visiting my Mum, stepfather, and baby sis (Hannah) in Florida mid-this month.
I’ll be working from their house as I (luckily) have a remote editorial job. I get to work 5/6am to 1/2pm to align with my usual Europe time (which has to have some overlap with colleagues in Asia and the US), which I’m actually looking forward to as my Mum lives on a lake and it’ll be sunnier and warmer than England which is depressing and dark during winter – and after work, I plan to listen to lots of audiobooks whilst walking around the lake or writing or napping or all three. And then when my family return from their respective jobs, I’ll have time with them.
Michael isn’t going with me and I’ll miss him. As a postman, he has to deliver the Christmas post at this cold, dark, wet time of year (with the occasional breakthrough of a lovely wintry sunny day). All the more reason I cannot wait until we pay off the mortgage in four years so maybe he will decide he can retire at 50 to live his deam of becoming a hand model (which he jokes is his worst feature due to working in the elements – incidentally, I love his hands).
Missing Michael aside, who also gets quality extended time with their parent(s) and sibling(s) anymore, especially when you become a late-thirty-something adult? I’m looking forward to celebrating my Mum turning 60 and just being there to enjoy her. And my reunion with Michael will be all the sweeter for time apart.
What does Michael think of my Substack?
With this Substack, I’ve had lots of people reach out with really kind feedback, saying they are enjoying it. Thank you! I have also had people say something along the lines of, “omg what does your husband think about this blog?” And its (sometimes) NSFW content.
Well, he’s my first reader, my first editor, coming in with funny suggestions. Also saying, “how long is it?” often before I begin reading posts to him and then after half an hour of my reading and correcting things, he may remark, “I didn’t know it would be that long.” And then I go, “But did you like it?” And he always gives me honest feedback.
He’s my biggest supporter in every area of life.
I may have had more sexual (and kissing) partners than him but he’s had significant women in his life (even if he didn’t let them get close) and we have swapped stories. Most of these posts aren’t news to him – or at least the highlight’s reel.
If he wasn’t okay with the content, I wouldn’t be publishing it as I’d never want to make him feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. Plus, it’s all very safely in my past. Most of this stuff happened over a decade ago and I’ve been with Michael for over seven years. And I never want that to change.
Michael isn’t the jealous type. He’s a lovely, happy, secure person in himself and even when I say to him oh “so and so got in touch” he knows that he is mine and I am his. He’s not threatened by my past because he knows he is the present and future.
When reading some posts, he says that he probably wouldn’t have dated past me.
I said, “Do you see me being any of my past toxic bitch self?”
He replied, “Actually, no, that’s one of your number one qualities.”
I countered, “What? That I’m not a toxic bitch?”
“Yep,” he said.
“Aww! Thank you.”
So, yes, a leopard can change her spots! Also, it shows how far I’ve come and how much I’ve learned over the years, which I hope you’ll see in my Substack journey as it continues. Heartbreak and rejection are formative, if it doesn’t break you, you see. (And maybe if you’re lucky enough to find your gem of a human like I am – and have a good therapist.)
So, where are all these (unique/weird/random/cool?) cover graphics coming from?
When/if my Substack makes regular money, I hope that A) I can pay for guest writers at a fair writing rate to share their dating journeys in a post or two and B) I can pay my amazing, talented nail lady, Carly – who also has an awesome skincare blog and is a brilliant writer (and hilarious storyteller) but who can do really cool graphic design – to design my cover images for me that are relevant to each post – and so they look way cuter and way less random.
Until then, I’m using free-to-use images from Mohammad Hassan (thanks, Mo – really, I don’t know this man) from Pixabay.
I just love how cheesy stock art is. Some of it really is, like, wtf, but his images always appealed to me. Even if they aren’t super relevant to my posts, they’ll stay for now.
When I worked as a textbook and course materials editor with my amazing designer friends, Maureen and Claire, and fellow editor, Esther (thanks, Maureen and Esther, for teaching me everything and supporting me always), these graphics always appealed to me so I’d try and use them for our property law courses. So, sometimes I’d place the suggested images and Maureen and Claire would work their magic (figurative magic I tell you) on sprucing up everything to make it look so cool and beautifully designed.
I thought absentmindedly all those years ago that if I ever started a blog, I’d use these as my hero images (as Tria Beauty UK’s delightful and talented marketing director, Emma, always calls them).
Re finding images, it’s really hard work (re search terms) and, of course, at that old job, finding the image we were really looking for two weeks after we’d settled on one. We only had a limited budget for expensive fancy (and way better) iStock so we had to use it sparingly.
I’m always amazed (and thankful) that Emma finds most of the imagery for the Tria blogs because the memories of image hunting in my days of working in a marketing agency finding images and when I had to do it for my textbook/course materials editor days are more like scars. Heh!
To all the people I’ve written about…or will write about…
To those people whom I’ve written about (cringe), I hope there are no identifying details and thanks for reading. To those who hurt me, I forgive you; for those I hurt, I’m sorry. You were collateral damage in my messy life, on my journey to becoming a better, happier human.
I know many of you may feel the same, acted in ways that were out of character (or would later be out of character), acted in ways you weren’t proud of, acting in ways that hurt others and were selfish and self-serving. We can all forgive our twenties selves for being total see you next Tuesdays (maybe unless you actually stabbed someone in the heart – not just metaphorically stabbed them).
For those of you who were less cunty in your twenties, well done. You’re probably super humans and maybe that’s because you got lucky and found your person (or purpose) early on.
On Grammy’s big news
My 87-year-old Grammy (my mother’s mother) is moving house after 37 years in her beloved Leeds home (with her big garden and conservatory). She will be moving into a cute (much smaller) cottage close to Michael and I. It’s on the flat and she can walk to the park and the market and be more independent, especially when she no longer drives.
Anyone who knows Grammy knows she’s still super sharp but she’s not getting any younger.
It’s a huge deal to move at that age (at any age really) but I’m proud of her and all the prep she has done to move – and she’s already accomplished so much in her life – in that she has a Master’s degree which is rare for an octogenarian woman born in the 1930s. And after retirement, Grammy trained for three years to become a Reader in the Church of England. She’s also been learning and taking German courses for years after her year-long stint in Schwetzingen with her friend Sue Markham in 1957.
On a recent visit to Grammy, we were talking about domestic labour and feminism (and how she read Germaine Greer in uni) and Grammy quipped that “if your house is a mess, no one says, ‘What kind of a man leaves the house like this?’” I feel that on a deep level – but am also thankful that Michael does lots (almost all) of the domestic labour so it’s “shared.”
Grammy is a classic!
Remembering Grandad Ted
I don’t want to post too much (as it’s not entirely my news) but we lost Michael’s grandfather (my mother-in-law’s father) a couple of weeks back and the funeral is this week. He was 96 and such a lovely man. He will be missed by all who were lucky to know him.
Thanks for reading. Check out my regularly scheduled content here.
Don’t forget to check out the twenty-five posts I’ve written, including the one on why I’m writing this newsletter/blog in the first place.
For my twenty-seventh post, I’ll be posting my first paid post, so please, if you can afford it, subscribe now for £4/month and you’ll never miss an update. You’ll get access to paid posts and behind-the-scenes notes and content (all coming soon). The next post will be free (don’t worry) and I’ll still have free content for my free subscribers to enjoy. Thank you all for your support.
I love hearing from my readers. Please feel free to reach out to me. Also, I’d love to get to my first 100 subscribers (I’m about 30 people away) so please sign up if you haven’t already. It’s completely free unless you choose to pay for a subscription. I have been getting 2k to 4k reads per month which is super exciting but I’d love more people to subscribe and share.
I did my first (a bit crap) voiceover on this post (shared below). Shall I do more? Let me know.
