BONUS MATERIAL: THAT TIME I EMAILED CHESTER FOR ADVICE RE CAPTAIN THOR

Not even a month into our relationship and I was already questioning things – as I failed to please in the bedroom

By the end of January 2011, I’d already had time to be totally sad and needy and email Chester my woes about Captain Thor.

What did I want when we were mere weeks into our relationship? Who knows? I was entirely unhealed and too needy and possibly terrible to be around but it takes time to change and learn and grow. And I’d maybe not have been so unhealed if I hadn’t had such a range of experiences when it came to men and dating.

I’m not sure if Chester even replied. He may have given me a phone call. He was most definitely tired of hearing my heartbroken ramblings as he was always there to give sage advice (being a little over a decade older) which I’d promptly ignore.

He avoided all of his own personal drama by refusing to date the hoards of women who chased after him so he could stay in his perpetual bachelorhood. Not that he’d never dated. He had dated some gorgeous women who I suspect he refused to commit to and then they promptly married and had babies with other people… But he’s a happy misanthrope so I think his life is all good.

I hadn’t dated anyone ‘seriously’ since the disaster that was Dorian back in 2010, so I’m sure I was feeling despondent at not being seen as ‘girlfriend material’ to men as I saw many of my high school and uni friends getting married (and procreating). 

Of course, besides Kristy and Cole, none of those of us who were getting our Master’s degrees got married earlier but that’s another matter. Life should never be a comparison game because people are always on different paths. Life is a journey and not a race, which I’m sure I read on one of those terrible office motivational posters that used to exist. And unless events are entirely crazy traumatic, most things are learning experiences.

Here’s a little bonus material for my paid subscribers.

Monday, 23 January 2012

Hi Chester,

I know it probably seems I only write to you when things aren't going so well for me and I need a male perspective, but here goes...

Things were going perfectly with [Captain Thor] and I was deliriously happy (albeit maybe too soon). We seemed to meet fortuitously and unexpectedly at Starbucks and he seemed to really like me and show it. 

When I was in England and he was in Alaska, he still made time to Skype with me every day and tell me that he missed me. Even when I got home this week, I was so glad to see him. He had to do a lot of training this week so he was a little sore and a tad grumpy at times, but overall we still had a nice time and we cooked dinner together and went to the gym together each day this week. 

On Friday night, we went to dinner with Anna and [Captain Texas] at an expensive restaurant and he bought my dinner and things seemed to be going well. On Saturday, we went grocery shopping together, he gave me a tour of the base, we cooked together, I worked on my thesis whilst he did his thing and things were going very well. Saturday night I cooked dinner for the two of us and his friend [Captain Ivy] and then the three of us joined Anna and [Captain Texas] for drinks, which I bought since he'd bought so many things in the past week. 

Anyway, to me our sex life seemed to be improving, more passionate. I'd worried at times that I couldn't always get him off and that kind of thing makes me feel sad, even though it shouldn't. He kept saying over and over again that it didn't matter to him; I kept reiterating that I wanted him to tell me what he liked exactly so I could be better. As you know, I'm used to having sexually-based relationships and whilst someone not seeing our relationship as purely sexually based – [Captain Thor] said he enjoyed the day-to-day things with me more than sex – I kind of found that strange and almost insulting that he didn't seem to be as into it. Not that he seems void of interest, but I clearly felt that I wasn't anywhere near his best. We were having what I thought was really good shower sex…

LOLs! Everything about past me is a total red flag. And, no, none of this was to do with me (or mostly not) but the fact that he hadn’t gotten over his ex. Sometimes things aren’t personal. And who cares if you’re someone’s ‘best’ or not! Rolls eyes. As people develop as a couple, they learn and grow together (hopefully). I guess sometimes they don’t but that’s another matter – but I haven’t generally found that to be the case.

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