#48 THE FIRST BOY I MET ON THE TRAIN
#48 THE FIRST BOY I MET ON THE TRAIN
The perfect meet cute: some people stick in your memory
One summer in England, maybe the summer of the boy with the green jumper or one before that, I met the first boy I’d meet on a train (of two).
I wore this dark emerald green Vera Wang coat that I’d belted in the middle with a black belt with a chunky buckle. I’m not sure why I remember this exact outfit. It was a light jacket but coming from a 100°F (38°C) summer to one that was maybe 70°F (21°C) warranted a jacket.
I was travelling to Todmorden on the train to see my father and sister that day – maybe from Leeds. I was about nineteen and I was dating my high school sweetheart (HSS) at the time but the relationship had already started to lose its sheen and I should have ended things long before.
I smiled at this boy who was standing opposite to me in the space between the carriage doors, where people stand when the seating is full. He was tall and handsome but we didn’t talk.
At the time, I found train schedules absolutely impossible (this was long before smartphones and the Trainline app) and on this day I was panicking because it said the train would stop in Halifax or Bradford Interchange (I can’t recall which) and everyone had to change trains. I had no idea what to do – when the next train would be due, which platform to use, or even how to read the timetable, so I’m sure I looked harried.
On a side note, every time I see the actor Nicholas Hoult, I am reminded of this boy I met on the train, so I’ll call him Nicholas. He looks a lot like the actor version except he has dark eyes and dark hair instead of Hoult’s sort of sandy brown hair and blue (or green?) eyes. Train Nicholas was well-built and tall (and I always liked tall). He has the sort of rakish quality of Hoult when he played Peter in The Great, cheeky and vulnerable and confident rolled into one. He also has an amazing sense of humour that always made me laugh.
So here I am, confused and worried on the train platform and along comes tall, handsome Nicholas to lend a hand. Turns out he lived in Hebden Bridge and he was headed that way so he could help me find the right train to Todmorden, which was only a single stop past Hebden.
I was blown away by his kindness. I really was. I’m sure we chatted all the way there and we exchanged details and I said I’d add him on Facebook. For years, through all the people we each dated, we’d chat with each other on messenger. He’s long deleted his original FB so I can’t reproduce any of the content but we messaged regularly for years, seeing what each other was up to. Through academic milestones, graduations, first jobs, the lot.
When I’d come to England, we’d try to meet up but we were passing ships in the night. Circumstances always got in the way. When I was in the area, he was somewhere else and vice versa.
Years later he confessed to me via email: “There are some moments in your life that you do not forget. Some are momentous and unique, some are trivial but seem to stick with you. The day I met you has never left me and I suspect never will.”
If that isn’t straight out of a romance novel what is? I guess I didn’t appreciate the sweetness and passion of the words at the time.
He continued, “I am writing to admit that in my whole life, I've never met a woman I've been so drawn to in every way. The way I felt when I first saw you is how I feel whenever I think of you now, captivated by the twinkle in your eye and the smile on your lips. To me, you represent beauty, intellect, irresistibility. Above all, you are the one that got away. More importantly, I wanted to tell you that no-one else’s happiness genuinely gives me such happiness myself. To hear you are living a happy life brings a smile to my face every time. We may have only known each other for that 20-minute train journey but I wish you every positive vibe and thought for your day-to-day life.”
What a sweetheart! What amazing, heartfelt words.
When I was in London one winter with Orienna and Victoria, he came out to meet us while we were drinking at a pub in South London, where he lived at the time. Victoria and I had been staying with her scientist friend in North London and we’d had an amazing tour and Orienna was visiting with her best friend and her family, so we weren’t always together as a group. I was married to my ex-husband then and I knew that if he ever found out this guy had fancied me, even if nothing had ever happened (nor ever did happen), he’d be furious. He made it clear that I was to cut off all ties to any men from my past or anyone who had fancied me at any point, which instead of putting my foot down and saying that friendships with both sexes are normal and I wouldn’t be unfaithful (I never was), I just complied.
In many ways and especially that one, my ex was the opposite of Michael. I can tell Michael anything and everything about my past, anything about the deepest secrets in my soul that I’d never tell anyone but him, I can be unapologetically myself and vice versa, and I know he will always love me. His love is not conditional on “good behaviour.” My ex would never have been able to handle a writing project like “Why We Met.” Maybe it was insecurity, maybe it was control, who knows? It doesn’t really matter now.
That night, Nicholas drunkenly tried to hold my hand and kiss me but I refused. I asserted that I was married. I had always considered Nicholas a close friend even though we’d only seen each other twice; he’d known me for many of the formative years of my late teen to adult life, after all. He respected the boundaries and we had a fun night. Victoria said he reminded her of her son. Her son was tall, handsome, and sweet too so I could see what she meant.
Obviously, it seems I met a lot of men in my life that were “significant” and left a lasting impression but I do genuinely have a love of people and getting to know the interesting ones. Nicholas was one that always stood out. Someone I always remembered in passing. And one of the first in that I didn’t start going “off the rails” until I broke free from HSS. Nicolas was one of my first crushes, the internet friends I could have for myself.
He got over his crush. The timing was never right. I wonder about that in life sometimes. The connections we miss. The way life’s timings sometimes never quite work out. Does that mean the universe is saying this match is unequivocally wrong? Who knows? I’ve found my person now and he found his.
I think Michael had this kind of significant person too in a friend he was in love with who lived all the way in Thailand and sadly died when out there. Many of us have these people and it doesn’t make our current people any less meaningful or right.
Nicholas studied physics at uni and has lived in London for well over a decade. He’s now a co-founder of some sort of get-together gathering space organisation where people in London meet up for a delicious chef-y meal and chats in stunning, photogenic venues. He performs stand-up comedy, has a podcast, and used to work in legal compliance for a major publisher and before that for HMRC (Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs for the Americans as this was during the Queen’s reign but now it would be “His Majesty”) as a corporate tax specialist. His pretty wife is an heiress, her father being a founder of a major ideas tech company that everyone has heard of (and she sounds delightful and kind in interviews – do I sound too stalkerish?), and they live a very glam life that involves cocktail dresses/evening gowns and tuxedos and the occasional jaunt to see her (clearly very wealthy) New York-based family. They don’t have children but I believe they have dogs and they spend their time being fabulous and engaging in like-minded intellectual pursuits. I’m delighted he has such a wonderful life; we still say hello occasionally. And he’s still happy that I have found my happiness and vice versa.
He’ll forever be the first boy I met on a train.
Next up, that time I had a one-night stand with a guy who worked at Target.
Don’t forget to check out the other forty-seven posts I’ve written, including the one on why I’m writing this newsletter/blog in the first place – and the odd “present day snippet” of what I’m up to lately.
Did you ever meet someone who seemed like a potential but the timing was off?
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