#29 MY FIRST DATE WITH THE GUY WHO REMINDED ME OF PATRICK BATEMAN (THE FSU FILM STUDENT)
#29 MY FIRST DATE WITH THE GUY WHO REMINDED ME OF PATRICK BATEMAN (THE FSU FILM STUDENT)
The case of the surprise finger and asking to film me in the shower
I hadn’t driven in a while thanks to Dorian crashing my car, so I agreed to meet him in Tallahassee but to be safe, I booked my own motel in case the date didn’t go well. I got to the motel and he came to pick me up for our date.
How it began…
Here are the messages we exchanged prior to my visiting him:
Saturday, 16 July 2011
8.01 pm: Elaine: Thinking of you. Can’t wait to see you.
9.25 pm: Patrick: Likewise. Soon…
If something happened between these days, I (gasp) didn’t document it.
Tuesday, 19 July 2011
6.19 pm: Patrick: I’m done on the 24th and will be free until the 2nd.
6.21 pm: Elaine: Cool. So when do you want me to visit?
6.28 pm: Patrick: Soon. The 24th is a Sunday. I’ll be done precisely at 6 on that day.
6.30 pm: Elaine: Well, I’ll start making arrangements.
6.30 pm: Patrick: Arrangements? ;)
I’m not sure what was meant by this, especially the winky face. I was confused. I don’t know if he thought I’d arranged to get a full-body wax (I hadn’t). Just to clarify, I elucidated…
6.31 pm: Elaine: Ha. To get my cats looked after, laundry, the usual.
Laundry for me requires planning and preparation; I hate doing it and I have mountains of it each time.
2023 me here: this point obviously also came up with during my ATC time.
6.33 pm: Patrick: Do you want to come on Sunday or Monday? I think 2 days would be good. What do you think?
6.35 pm: Elaine: I’ll come Monday.
7.54 pm: Patrick: Awesome. I’ll keep you posted.
Not sure why Monday over Sunday. And, in the end, I came Tuesday/Wednesday because I couldn’t get my shit together.
Friday, 22 July 2011
12.43 pm: Patrick: How are the “arrangements” coming?
Saturday, 23 July 2011
8.35 pm: Elaine: Would Tuesday/Wednesday be ok instead? Still need to do laundry and such. Plus, you need to email details. Address. Where we’ll meet, etc.
8.57 pm: Patrick: Not totally sure yet, but I think so. I was waiting till I heard back from you to send the email. I thought we could meet at my place. I could meet you in the parking lot if you want. We could take a walk around the lake behind my place.
There were some texts in between but I know I spend too much time waffling so I won’t bore you with every bit of minutia (believe it or not).
Monday, 25 July 2011
2.57 pm: Elaine: Running off schedule but should be there about 8.
3.03 pm: Patrick: No problem. See you then.
6.07 pm: Patrick: Do you want to go out to eat, or should we cook?
6.25 pm: Elaine: Go out because I’m just setting off. Grocery store will prob be closed. My timing skills aren’t the best. Looking forward to it.
6.26 pm: Elaine: Should get there at 8 but need half hour to get ready.
6.33 pm: Patrick: No hurry. The place I want to go to closes at 10, though.
6.35 pm: Elaine: We should make it. If not, there’s always tomorrow.
I’m pretty sure I was texting and driving at this point which isn’t safe. At all. But my Garmin took me on winding dirt roads populated by trees, fields, fences, and churches – no houses, cars, or people as far as I could see. The views were pretty and it meant that I could drive fast.
2023 Elaine here: Also, there was a time when (amazingly) I used a literal map A-Z type thing to drive with (really not sure I could re-learn this skill) and my mum was really good at creating driving “crib sheets” where she’d write down the exits on pieces of paper or things to look out for so I could get places.
6.37 pm: Elaine: Last thing, is the place dressy or casual?
6.54 pm: Patrick: Upper casual. I don’t wear shorts when I go there.
Okay, so I didn’t think it was appropriate to ask your date for clothing advice, but I thought I’d go for it. I’m okay with being weird anyway and I really couldn’t decide. And, besides, whatever he chose I’d still go with what I wanted, but it might help me sway one way or another.
I needed to figure out my outfit. In my head, the war of the clothes had begun. Should I wear the silky green dress with the square low-cut neckline – a closet go-to – short enough to be hip, but a tad on the dressy side with my Marie-Antoinette, Vera Wang black heels or would it be the short grey skirt with the subtle silvery, glittery pinstripes, barely noticeable stripes with a silky ruffled front top and a belted cardigan paired with my fuschia Harvey Nicholls heels, the ones that always garnered all the compliments? The second outfit was more sleek, probably more flattering, but had the heir of business dress—or it would if the skirt wasn’t so short. I’d gauge his reaction and plan accordingly.
7.06 pm: Elaine: I’m trying to decide between dress or skirt? GPS took me on one way dirt track. Good news: it’s only an hour and half drive total. Who knew it was so close?
7.20 pm: Patrick: Skirt. Show off your legs.
First attempt at a flirty joke? Something else?
7.22 pm: Elaine: Ha. Who said my dress was long? ;) but skirt it is.
I have no idea what I actually wore but probably the grey skirt.
Arriving at the motel
I finally arrived at the hotel and checked in. I’m pretty sure I texted after I’d called my mum and emailed Brittany to let them know I was safe. At least safe at that point. (Back then, I apparently spelt “email” as “e-mail” lols.)
8.17 pm: Elaine: About to shower. Will text when ready. Baymont Inn near Waffle House. [Address] Room 141. It’s around back.
At this point, since Brittany worried I’d potentially end up in little pieces in a freezer, I felt that it might’ve been a stupid idea to give the address. As I showered I fantasised that someone might show up and hack me to bits Psycho-style in the shower and it would be a shame because I might not have finished shaving my legs and I’d probably look a bit of a mess with makeup half streaked down my face and I don’t think blood quite goes with my skin tone.
2023 me here: Michael and I recently watched Psycho and she wasn’t hacked into bits…as others will also know. Doh!
8.18 pm: Patrick: I’ll come pick you up. Cool.
8.51 pm: Elaine: Will be ready in 5.
8.53 pm: Patrick: Cool. I’ll set out in 5.
What? You’ll set out in 5? I said I’d be ready in 5. That means 10 total. And then I’ll have to figure out what to do with myself for 10 minutes.
Also, I’d like to note that between my shower and saying I’d get ready it was 34 minutes. Not bad.
8.57 pm: Elaine: Ready.
8.57 pm: Patrick: Leaving now.
My email post date to Brittany
I told Brittany the following about our date:
I think things are going well. First night [PB] picked me up at the hotel and took me to dinner. I had some sort of chicken Parmesan thing with pasta and marinara sauce. It was really, really delicious. And we had an appetiser of "fish" dip. It was surprisingly nice. Conversation's been easy and there's been no awkwardness. The place put cucumber in their water – I don't remember the restaurant name, but it was really pretty inside – cucumber is surprisingly refreshing in water. It makes it taste really good. I think I might buy cucumbers for that purpose from now on. Side note: I made sure I gobbled up all the food in the fridge before I left. I didn't want anything to go to waste. I made the beef, veggie couscous thingy and froze portions. I should be home tomorrow. At least that's my plan. Maybe I'll drive back tonight. I'm not sure. Anyway, after dinner we went to Publix (theirs closes at 11) and grabbed some wine and went to the hotel to chit chat and we talked for ages. He had a really interesting childhood. His dad was in the Air force and his mum is from Bolivia (or something like that) and he grew up mostly in Panama with stints in California and Florida. He did his senior year of high school in Florida after doing most of high school in Panama. It sounds like he's travelled a lot, mostly to South and Central America, but he's been to London and places in Europe too.
Then I said that he cooked me breakfast of pancakes and eggs and he put powdered sugar and lime juice in his pancakes. We went to see an IMAX film (no recollection of what) and bought groceries at Publix together to cook dinner. I introduced him to Wensleydale with cranberries (cheese plus apples instead of crackers) which he liked. He roasted brussels sprouts in a sauce he made with garlic he ground in a mortar and pestle and he sliced the sprouts thinly and cooked them in his toaster oven until they were caramelised and then proceeded to eat practically all of them when preparing the rest of dinner.
Today he had to go into the film school to do a bit of editing on his film, so I'm at some coffee shop he recommended. He's going to ride his bike here when he's finished and take me to lunch. He wanted me to take his car – well, Ford Escape or something like that – it's a big SUV and I'm not used to driving one. I felt like a right idiot when I got in the car and couldn't turn the key in the ignition, so I texted him and asked if there was some sort of trick after about ten minutes of failed attempts and he said I had to jiggle the wheel. I feel dumb for not figuring that one out. I was on the phone to my mum and she said the same thing. I was thinking oh my goodness I can't even drive a car properly.
It's been raining here mostly. The drive down was really nice (sorry I'm skipping around). It's actually WAY closer than I thought – only an hour and a half. The GPS took me on the "back-roads" "middle-of-nowhere" route. It was ridiculous, but pretty. I went through Quitman, which I'd never seen before and it has a really picturesque downtown and then I ended up hitting these little highways with nothing but grass and trees and the sun was really pretty and it looked idyllic, but isolated. And at one point I think the road I was supposed to take was closed off so I found myself on this little dirt track and there was barely any traffic on these roads. Hitting the Florida border was weird too because I was still on one of these isolated, pretty roads and all I saw around besides trees and grass and the odd house or two was churches. Apparently they really need churches in isolated places.
The city here seems pretty cool. It has a nice feel to it. It's quite pretty. It's not quite as nice as Chicago, of course, but it's nice enough. I hope we go to a museum today. I'm not sure which one we'll go to, but I think we should come down here sometime and do the museums since it's relatively close.
Oh, [PB’s] apartment is cool, too. It's a converted hotel/motel, so it's a cool little studio.
This coffee shop is called All Saints and they have a lot of vegan options for food. Actually, I think it's exclusively vegan. I just had some hummus snack pack or something. It had hummus – too much to finish – with squash, celery, carrot, and pita chips. It was really nice and really garlicky. And they have English Breakfast tea. Yay! I sort of said, "I guess you don't have milk" (I was contemplating how bad soy would be in my tea) and the girl at the register said, "Yes, we have milk." And I was, like, "Oh, I thought since it was vegan..." Anyway, so I had milk in my tea and it was really nice. Oh, I bought some tea for [PB] and he wasn't a huge fan of the way I drink my tea. To each his own. I guess it's an acquired taste.
I watched the first Indiana Jones movie with PB yesterday. Instead of a TV he has a giant projector hooked up to a Blueray player with surround sound, so it's kind of like being at the movies at home. He also showed me some videos he'd made on YouTube – one video contrasting old and new footage of his home in Panama – so that was pretty cool.
We tried to go to an estate today, but the tours were closed. PB finished his thing at one ish and we had lunch around 2 ish and I don't know where the time went – we took a nap – but then we didn't make it to the museums in time, so I still want to see them all, but I won't get to this time. I guess there's next time. Now I know it's not too far, I'll be inclined to visit again.
Trying to think if I'm forgetting something...I guess I can always tell you later if I did. So, basically, I'm having a really nice time. I'm not in anyone's freezer. He's ridiculously good looking and has unobtainably flawless skin – like no pores or blemishes – sometimes life isn't fair. Ha!
At first I thought he was a little too serious, but he seems to be lightening up. Oh and he eats his food practically alive. Like at dinner the first night he ate a practically raw burger and he likes his eggs just kind of flipped (like basically raw – ha!), which I find a bit odd since I like mine practically like cooked rubber. Um, that's about it for me. Hope to hear what you've been up to.
The reality of my first online date and going down on me
On our date that I gushed to Brittany about, he told me, “order whatever you want.” Um, thanks? He talked about himself the whole time. He raved about the cucumber water at the restaurant (it was good and sometimes I still make cucumber water so I guess it wasn’t all bad…).
He went down on me and told me – oddly – that I was “very clean” (whatever that meant) and I wasn’t sure if I wanted sexual interaction or conversation (or both?), so I proceeded to talk about the Brontës whilst he was going down on me. He continued whilst also conversing with me. Brownie points?
The next night I stayed at his apartment, which was a sort of converted motel, and he revealed many oddities about himself. First of all, he was very clean-cut, and wore tailored clothes (he gave me a long ramble about how he had his clothes made to fit him), he used to work at the Florida capital in politics but had since given it up to pursue film school. He revealed that he washed his hair in collected rainwater, which he kept in a jug near his toilet, which I thought was strange.
Can I film you?
Secondly, when I was taking a shower, he asked if he could film me, and, taken aback, I said no. Just all levels of gross. I mean shower sex, I’m game for, but becoming someone’s weird fettish porn collection, no thanks. I mean if only OnlyFans had been a thing back then…
I saw a bunch of porn on his computer – model pics and pics of women with extremely large breasts. He didn’t bother to hide any of his quirky habits. I now no longer recall if I was snooping on his computer when he was running an errand or how I saw this content or if I just saw it when he was showing me something.
Getting down to it…with a surprise
Later when having sex – and I don’t remember if this was our first time or not that weekend – I was on top grinding my hips against him and there was a weird finger slippage incident in which he put his finger uninvited-ly and unwelcome-ly in my rectum, and he said he was into that but I certainly wasn’t. And thus clenched up and felt super gross/awkward about it. I mean was there now poop on his finger and what if he touched me with this finger or put it somewhere on his sheets? Did he do this sort of thing often and how clean was his bedding?
We watched Indiana Jones, and he told me all about why it didn’t work out with a series of other girls (reasons I no longer recall) – either I’m easy to talk to or this guy doesn’t care, I thought – then he makes a few meals.
After cooking, he weirdly froze his trash in a series of ziplock bags so it wouldn’t smell. I mean when was he going to dispose of said frozen food remnant trash? He had a stalker pen cam so he could secretly film people on campus. He told me about his childhood in South America where his dad worked in some capacity for the US government and as a result he hated travelling.
Everything about him was odd and a red flag, his self-obsession, but in my desperation to fit some square pegs in the round holes I still invited him up to my place for another painful weekend.
Next up, day two where I endured sitting in a vegan cafe to wait for him…
Don’t forget to check out the other twenty-seven posts I’ve written, including the one on why I’m writing this newsletter/blog in the first place.
Feeling hurt and rejected is a normal human emotion but I tried so hard to make things work if people “looked” the part despite the fact that I didn’t really enjoy my time with PB (not that I told myself that at the time). Have you ever tried so desperately to impress someone that you had no business impressing or did you ever ignore a whole host of red flags?